DEPARTMENT

July 3, 2005 12:00 AM EDT

“Bush is doing anything he can now to boost his popularity. In fact, tomorrow he will be jumping up and down on Oprah’s couch.” –DAVID LETTERMAN

“Jimmy Buffett, Jay-Z and Avril Lavigne signed a brief supporting the record companies, while Heart, Brian Eno and Terence Trent D’Arby joined forces to support Grokster. It was a lineup that ensured no matter how the court ruled, the music at the victory party would suck.” –JON STEWART

“VATICAN TIGHTENS NOCTURNAL EMISSIONS STANDARDS.” –Fake news headline from THE ONION

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